


Look at This Godforsaken Mess That You Made Me

by FanFreak611



Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: Angst, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Childhood Trauma, Daddy Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s06e07 In For A Penny, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Gen, Hyperventilating, Juliet does not have a great childhood or a great dad, Making Out, Married Couple, Married Life, Multi, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Pregnancy, hate using that phrase but yeah basically, in which I use yet another folklore song as my title, married shules, partially, this is officially my longest fic on here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26279014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFreak611/pseuds/FanFreak611
Summary: Juliet is 15 when Frank first disappears, 29 when he shows up again and 30 when she tells him to leave for good. Now she's married with kids and happily living her life.Leave it to her father to ruin a good thing.
Relationships: Juliet O'Hara & Frank O'Hara, Juliet O'Hara & Original Child Character(s), Juliet O'Hara/Shawn Spencer, Shawn Spencer & Original Child Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31
Collections: 4 Psychos Do BTHB, Bad Things Happen Bingo





	Look at This Godforsaken Mess That You Made Me

**Author's Note:**

> Was talking about "In For a Penny" on the Psych Discord and Lilly came up with a "what if" about Frank showing up in Juliet's life again. This fic spawned out of that. Poor Jules can't catch a break huh.
> 
> Also written for the Hyperventilating category on our Bad Things Happen Bingo card. If you want to go read other works in that series, check out the collection "4 Psychos Do BTHB". Enjoy!

Juliet was 9 when Frank O’Hara was arrested- years of conning finally catching up with him. Her family moved shortly after, her mother no longer able to afford paying for such a large- and deceptively bought- house. Being forced to leave her friends behind was something she never forgave him for.

He got off on probation with a hefty fine a few months later, his charm and quick wit just enough to convince the jury that he needed to take care of his family. He convinced her mother too, saying that his time served showed him that he needed to turn a new leaf. Too bad he didn’t stick around enough to show it. Near Juliet’s 11th birthday, her mother discovered him working on another con- trying to pose as jailed family members to get people to send him money- and officially kicked him out. Divorce papers were filed and Frank only saw them on the occasional weekend, though he did still sneak little gifts into her room. 

When she was 15, he dropped off the face of the earth. She tried calling him to invite him to her cheer competition and sent him a postcard from their family’s trip to Tampa, even attempted to invite him to her sweet sixteen but she never did reach him.

Juliet didn’t see him again for _fifteen years_.

To say she had unresolved issues with her father was an understatement. She refused to talk about him at her therapy sessions or even mention him to Shawn, just opting instead to say the topic was off-limits. So when he showed up in the middle of a briefing after such a long time, she was reasonably pissed.

But Frank had a way of charming people and she found herself warming up to the idea that her dad would be around more. She had dreamt for years about what could have been if her family had just been normal, what it would be like to have a father to walk her down the aisle or even just someone who saved newspaper clippings about her cases, calling her up to congratulate her on her latest bust. The idea that that could actually be a reality was exciting and new and she rode that high all throughout her birthday party and into the night. 

But her high had crashed a few hours later and then she just lay awake, a sheet over her bare form, unable to fall asleep despite the “celebrating” she and Shawn had done sometime earlier. Her boyfriend slept soundly next to her, his arms wrapped around her waist and nose nuzzled in her hair. It was the perfect recipe for sweet dreams but those seemed to escape her. 

Something about Frank’s apology didn’t add up. He had said that his reason for not showing his face during all of the big events in her life was that he saw what a great stepdad Lloyd was… except Maryanne didn’t start dating Lloyd until _after_ Juliet was sworn in as an officer. She resisted the urge to punch something- not wanting to disturb Shawn- as the realization dawned on her that she had been conned again.

She didn’t sleep well that night.

Frank had shown up the next morning, bringing gifts of doughnuts and pumpkin bread but she had pulled him aside and confronted him on his lies, calling him a coward and a deceiver. She thanked him for showing up to her rehearsals and birthdays but none of that made up for the fact that he still wasn’t really there for nearly thirty years, still nearly destroyed their family with his cons, and still let her down more times than she could count, and that he _continued_ to do so despite promising change. He was clearly told that what she said earlier at the station still stood, that she didn’t want him in her life anymore and there was nothing he could do to change that. 

And while he left after that, his head hanging low, he of course didn’t listen to her, popping into town on more than one occasion much to her dismay and Shawn’s delight. While she appreciated him attempting to make an effort, it was too little too late. 

Following the third time he randomly appeared in the station, bringing tales of his treks through the Catalonia Mountains- a story that she’s pretty sure was fabricated or at least highly embellished- she’s had enough. When he finishes she pulls him into the conference room, draws the blinds, and tells him flat out that he needs to stop showing up. He protests as only he can but she puts her foot down, telling him that he needs to respect her decision and get out of her life.

It’s the last time she sees Frank.

Oh, she’s sure he lurks around from time to time. She’d still get birthday and Christmas cards and the occasional postcard, all of them going immediately in the trash. Sometimes she’d receive little anonymous gifts on her and Shawn’s dating anniversary or on her detective anniversary that she was sure came from him. But other than that, Frank O’Hara stayed away.

She started talking about him at her therapy sessions, years of repressed memories fighting their way to the surface. She told her therapist about being the youngest and how she was “daddy’s girl,” of Frank bringing home gifts just for her and enchanting her with tales about how he rescued them from the claws of dragons. And he just stopped coming home so often. Stopped coming to her dance recitals or her brother’s games. She talked about late-night arguments, hushed but angry voices in the kitchen, trying not to wake her or her brothers- unaware of the little girl who sat on the bottom of the stairs, listening to every word. Of throwing elaborate birthday parties and waiting patiently for her father to come home and then throwing out her cake when he didn’t. The only time she’d see him for weeks was during one of the off times he did come home- late- a strained look on his face as he told her to go to bed and not worry.

She told her about the day cops came to their door, asking for a Frank O’Hara. Her brothers tried to distract her with dolls and puzzles but she remembers very clearly the men coming in and hauling her father out in handcuffs. She may have only been nine but she was old enough to know that her father was a bad man. Most of her gifts from him had turned out to be stolen or purchased illegally and she was more than happy to let the officers take them away. 

She talked about learning what exactly her father did and feeling no sympathy for the man who never even showed up to her or her brother’s birthdays. She remembers moving shortly after that, away from her childhood home and her friends into a house that was much too small for four people but they made it work. Frank found them a few times, managed to weasel his way back in but eventually her mom stood firm, refusing to let him ruin their lives yet again. She talked about the day the divorce papers were finalized, of testifying against him in court, or the last day she had seen him for 15 years. 

She shared about the seemingly endless revolving door of boyfriends that followed, some much better than others, of hands in the darkness and blacked-out memories. Of wishing in the dead of night that her father had been a much better man than he was. Of intricate dreams where he had been.

She told her therapist everything, working through 30 years of repressed memories and blocked out trauma. And then one night, she told Shawn everything. They stayed up until 3 am, bundled up in blankets and lying in each other’s arms. She told him every little detail until the words came no more and her tears stopped falling. Then he kissed her forehead and told her just how proud he was of her and how sorry he was that he put Frank before her. She’d found multiple cards from Frank laying in the trash after that.

Eventually, the cards and gifts did stop coming, especially after moving to San Francisco, and she stopped thinking about him as much. Sure he’d pop into her mind from time to time, there wasn’t a foolproof way of avoiding the subject, but rare coins now made her think of Gus instead of Frank, and encountering a conman at work was just another day on the job, nothing more. It was good to not have to think about her father outside of the occasional therapy session or awkwardly probing questions. 

Plus she now had a different father to focus on.

It took a few years and many, many intentional, deep conversations but eventually both she and Shawn had decided that they were ready to try for a baby. When she discovered that she was pregnant he had instantly taken to being a father- though he didn't see it at first. He made her drinks with mint when she was nauseous and braided her hair when she had morning sickness. He went with her to every appointment and read every parenting book he could get his hands on. And when he expressed his worries about being a father, she made sure to hear him out and then pepper his face with kisses, telling him just how amazing of a dad he had already been to their unborn child. 

The pregnancy was long and the labor felt even longer but eventually, they welcomed Leila Spencer-O’Hara into the world and instantly fell in love. Juliet wasn’t sure if she could possibly love her baby any more than she already did but the second she held Leila in her arms, it was as if her heart had latched onto this child and refused to let go for anything. Judging by the look on Shawn’s face as he watched the two of them- and then later held Leila in his arms- he felt the exact same way.

Juliet loved the family that she built with Shawn, and even when their family of three changed to a family of five with two new additions a few years later she was more than happy to welcome them into the world (even though they were a pain to give birth to). Having three kids under five was hard at times but with help from the Gusters, her mom, and the Vicks, she and Shawn managed to keep their family from causing too much chaos. They had even moved into a townhouse right next door to the Gusters, and their kids were practically family. It was everything Juliet had dreamed of in a family and yet so much more, which is why she relished her days off.

Before having kids, she and Shawn would spend her days off cuddling until midmorning, relaxing together, or going on dates and adventures around the city. But after having kids, her days off were spent mostly with the little ones. She and Shawn would still have their date nights and cuddles but their adventures were now spent with three kids in a stroller and were less potentially hazardous. She didn’t mind though, spending time with Shawn and her kids were often the highlights of her week and her current-day off was no exception.

She had woken up at 6 am to feed the twins and get Leila some breakfast. Shawn had adjusted fairly well to being a morning person- though it was more out of necessity than want- but she still liked to give him some time to sleep in. After breakfast was playtime and coloring and diaper changes and potty training- not without accidents- and by the time Shawn woke up around 9 and told her that he’d look after the twins while she cleaned Leila up, she’d given him a quick kiss right then and there. 

Thankfully cleaning up Leila was easy and soon the pair were making their way back downstairs, her daughter insisting that she could walk down the stairs on her own, of course with some hand-holding from her mom. As soon as they reached the bottom, the doorbell rang and Juliet sent her off to go play before making her way to the front door and answering it.

She quickly wished she hadn’t.

Standing on their Christmas themed welcome mat- despite it being mid-October- was the one man she had never thought she’d see again. 

“Frank?” Her voice was equal parts shocked, angry, and confused as she stood dumbfounded in the doorway of her home, a place she had never thought in a million years he’d be.

He was older, his hair completely gray and the wrinkles around his eyes had deepened, but other than that he really didn’t look that much different from the last time they had spoken. She noted his crisply pressed shirt and nice watch and briefly wondered who he had conned this time before deciding that she didn’t care.

“Hello, Jewel.” He smiled.

Whatever shock Juliet had been in was quickly diminished the second he said the nickname that she had sworn never to be called again.

“What,” She spoke with venom, her words sharp, “are you doing here? How did you even find my house?”

He shrugged, “I wanted to see you, it’s been a long time so I went to Santa Barbara and spoke with that one really happy guy? Glad to see he’s a detective now, good for him. He told me that you had moved to San Francisco so I came down here to look for you. After I told them I was your father and showed some ID, one of the very nice officers at the police station gave me your address. So here I am.” He raised his arms slightly to emphasize his point.

She just stood there, her grip on the doorframe getting tighter as she mentally made a note to find whoever gave him her address and give them a lesson on not meddling in the affairs of others.

“You know what I actually don’t care how you found me, I told you I didn’t want you around and you need to leave.” She stated, doing her best to not give in to the increasing temptation to raise her voice. It would be much better for all parties if she could get him to go away before Shawn and the kids found out.

“But Jewel-” He stopped, his eyes going from her face to her legs as she felt a small frame push past her. 

Guess she spoke too soon.

“Mommy, who’s this?” Came the little voice as she looked down into Shawn’s hazel eyes framed by her own blonde hair- Lelia. 

Crap.

Frank was the first one to speak. “You have kids?” His voice was quiet like he could barely believe it.

Juliet sighed and leaned down to address her daughter, “It’s no one sweetheart, why don’t you go find daddy and tell him all about that candy dream you told me about?”

Leila’s face lit up and she quickly ran back down the hallway. Juliet looked at Frank and sighed again, resigning herself to her fate, and stepped outside to join him on the front step, closing the door behind her as to avoid any more “interruptions”.

Frank glanced from her to the door, and then to her hand as if just now noticing the glittering ring on her finger. “You’re married?”

Crossing her arms, she fixed a cold stare on the man. “Yes. Not that I owe you an explanation but I am. To Shawn.”

His eyebrows raised and then he nodded, a small smile spreading across his face. “I always knew you’d work out, he was so determined to marry you when we last spoke.” He laughed. “Did he ever stop lying to you?”

The question caught her off guard and she flinched as memories of weddings and tickets found in a jacket pocket and broken hearts resurfaced. Of countless tears and wonderings as to why she had the same luck with men as her mother. Of anger and apologies and one night stands. Of pleading and promises and rebuilding trust. Of love and growth and the realization that no, Shawn was different.

She shook her head, shaking the memories away with it. “That doesn’t matter, Shawn is nothing like you.”

He nodded again, “I’m glad.”

She stared at him, waiting for him to say more on the matter but he just looked at the house and then back at her. “And the kid?”

Dropping her shoulders, she gave in. “Actually we have three. Leila, the oldest- she’s three- and then the twins who are five months.”

“Three. Twins.” He whispered, a faraway look in his eyes. He looked back at her. “I really missed a lot huh.”

“I’ve heard that before.” She shifted her balance, annoyance evident on her face. “Frank, what do you want?”

“I wanted to ask you if I could try again?” Her eyes hardened and he held up his hands. “Let me explain. I want to be there for you, especially now that I know I’m a grandfather.” 

“You already were a grandfather. Or did you forget about Finn, Issac, and Drake?”

“Oh right,” Came his carefree response and he shrugged before sticking his hand in his pocket. “I brought you a gift.”

He pulled his closed fist out and presented it to her like it was a prized possession. In the middle of his palm was a small silver coin, about an inch in diameter.

Suddenly Juliet felt like she was five years old again.

_“It’s a 1964 Ireland Half Crown coin Jewel,” Frank said, placing the coin in his young daughter’s hand before pointing to it. “See that horse? Well, horses are very honest and reliable creatures. Whenever you look at this coin I want you to think of me. Your honest Irish dad.”_

The day Frank was arrested her brothers had taken her to the beach with the intention of giving their mom some time to sort things out. She had taken that coin with her and threw it as far as she possibly could into the ocean.

She gripped her arms tighter to hide the slight tremble that had crept into her hands. She had thought she worked through everything that had happened in her past but now the memories struck her with a force she had not experienced in years. Her chest felt tight and her legs shaky but she forced herself to stay in cop mode. She refused to let Frank see her be vulnerable- that was a right he had given up decades ago. 

“I don’t want your coin, Frank.” She stared straight at his face, not looking at the coin which had represented so much and yet so little.

“Jewel, I want to start over. I want to be that honest man you once knew.”

“I have never known you to be honest.” She focused all her anger on his face, glaring at him in a way that could melt him on the spot.

“That’s not true.” He tried to argue.

She laughed and shook her head. “I’m not having that discussion with you. Take your coin and leave.”

He shoved the coin back in his pocket and stood there, hands in his pockets, pleading look on his face. “I want to meet my grandchildren.” 

She shook her head. “You’re not getting this. Fine, let’s say I let you try again. You hang out with my kids for a few years and then what? You’ll just leave them just like you left us. I refuse to hear my children asking about where Grandpa is or if he doesn’t love them anymore.”

“You don’t know that Jewel.”

“But I do. Because those are the exact questions I used to ask mom. I’m not going down this road again. We are happy here, don’t you see? Without you. I finally have the family I’ve always wanted and my kids will not know what it’s like to feel abandoned, to question whether or not they’re loved. So I’m telling you, Frank. Leave. Or I will call the police and we have a chief who does not answer kindly to fathers who abandoned their children.” 

The air hung thick around them until Frank simply nodded. “Okay. I’ll go.” He made his way down the steps and paused, turning back to her. “I’m sorry Jewel.”

She simply stared ahead, not watching as he walked down and into his car before turning around and walking inside.

The front door shut much harder than she had meant but she quickly forgot about it as she made eye contact with her husband. The man was casually leaning against the doorway that led into the kitchen but there was a slight bounce to his leg and his eyes darted up and down her body, trying to get a read on her emotions. 

“Good news, I already called Gus and he said that he and Selene could watch the kids for a couple of hours. Bad news, we have to watch their kids this week so they can go to some planetarium show.” He joked, trying to ease the tension.

But Juliet didn’t hear him- or at least didn’t comprehend what he said. Instead, she was back in the small white house in Florida, watching her dad be hauled away in handcuffs. She was back at every single birthday, and dance recital, and football game, scanning the crowd for her dad but knowing deep down he wasn’t there. She was back having to endure every pitied look from classmates and teachers, every single crappy boyfriend her mom brought home, wishing every single day that her family was normal- and pretending that it was. It was too many emotions at once, too much to think about, to deal with.

Her chest rose and fell rapidly, trying to take in as much air as she could but not getting nearly enough. Her head spun and she was sure that she’d be on the floor in seconds. It’d been a little while since she’d had a panic attack but she knew one was coming.

She couldn’t breathe. 

She was 7 years old and back in her Girl Scout’s troop forced to answer questions about where her dad was on parent's day. 

Her vision was blurry.

She was 9 and a tall female officer was kneeling in front of her, telling her in the kindest voice that everything was going to be okay. She could see it in her eyes that she wasn’t so sure.

Her lungs burned.

She was 15 and her mother’s fourth or fifth boyfriend was eating dinner with them. He got mad at a joke they made and hurled his plate against the wall. 

She couldn’t _breathe._

And suddenly Shawn was there, offering her an ice cube which she promptly popped into her mouth, the cold shocking her brain out of its downward spiral and giving her something to focus on.

“I’m here Jules, you’re safe.” His voice was soothing and he demonstrated how to breathe deeply in and out until her breathing returned to normal.

As soon as it did, her eyes welled up with tears and Shawn pulled her into his arms. His hands rubbed circled across her back and he buried his nose in her hair.

She instantly melted into his embrace, burying her face in his chest and wrapping her arms as tight as she could around his back. She breathed in as much of his scent as she could, letting it ground her.

It took some time but finally, Juliet’s legs stopped shaking like they’re stable enough to move, though she doesn’t exactly want to. Instead, she shifted just enough to look up at Shawn, blue eyes meeting hazel as she rested her chin against his chest.

“Thank you,” Her voice was quiet and his hands still rubbed circles on her back but the air had lost all of its tension and she finally felt like she could breathe again.

“Anytime babe, Lelia told me that you were talking to someone so I checked it out through the window. I’m so sorry, Jules. I know you never wanted to see him again.” 

She nodded, turning her head to place her ear just over his heart, letting the thumps soothe her racing mind. “He wanted to try again. Gosh, I can’t believe he found our _house_.”

He didn’t say anything but she knew he was just listening, allowing her to process everything that had happened. “I told him to go away but I can’t help feeling like I should have let him meet the kids, at least once.”

Running his fingers through her hair, he sighed, shaking his head. “No Jules, you did the right thing. If you, and Tangled, have taught me anything it's that it’s okay to not let certain people back in your life, especially if they’re only going to hurt you again.”

She hummed in response, “When did you get so wise?”

He shrugged, “It comes with age and kids.”

Laughing, she pressed up on her toes, an arm moving to wrap around his neck. “I likewise Shawn.”

“Well wise Shawn likes you too.” He replied, grinning down at her before she pushed up, closing the gap between their lips.

She sighed into the kiss as his hand threaded through her hair. Her free hand traveled along his stomach and then up his chest to his face, rough stubble caressing her hand as she brushed her fingers against his jaw. His hand, in turn, traveled lower down her back, slipping underneath her shirt and pressing against her warm skin.

As much as Shawn wanted to continue, to take advantage of their alone time, he knew that his wife needed some time so he reluctantly broke the kiss. They breathed heavily, their foreheads touching as they gazed into each other’s eyes. 

“You know…” Shawn started, a smirk tugging at his lips. “We probably have a few hours to ourselves before Gus brings the kids back…”

“Oh?” A cocked eyebrow and a playful expression danced across Juliet’s face.

“So I was thinking…”

Her hand slid back down to his chest, idly playing with the collar of his t-shirt. “About what Mr. Spencer-O’Hara?”

“Well Mrs. Spencer-O’Hara, what if you went and found the snuggie, I made us hot chocolate, and we watched Dumbo and cuddled?”

She grinned and pecked him on the lips. “You’re amazing, you know that right?”

He smiled back, “It’s the hair.”

With a roll of her eyes, she unwound herself from his arms, but not before giving him one last kiss. She began making her way up the stairs and then paused, turning around to look at him. “You really are a great dad.”

He blushed and ducked his head, his hands shoved into his pockets. “Thanks, Jules. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Yeah, Frank O’Hara wasn’t a great dad by any means. But Juliet didn’t care anymore. Sure she would talk about him at her next therapy session but outside of that, there was no use focusing on the past. Especially not when she had a pretty great future ahead of her.

Plus Dumbo and cuddling with her husband was a pretty great thing to focus on.


End file.
